Happy New Year!

I hope 2015 brings lots of health and happiness to everyone!  We have been busy celebrating our birthdays and holidays over the past month with lots of family and friends.  I also celebrated my birthday with waking up and not having to get any shots.  I had finished my trial cycle the day before so it was a nice treat.  

So the big question for Matt and I... What will 2015 bring?  I don't think it will bring us babies ( they would be too early if they came and we don't want that again) but hopefully it will bring on a healthy pregnancy!!!!

I had quite a few extra tests done with Dr. Miller to prepare for my next in vitro cycles.  Thus far we have concluded that I have no blood clotting problems, no bacterial infection, no autoimmune disease, and I have the needed protein to help my body implant an embryo.

 I again had testing come back for another crazy genetic thing.  I am a carrier for a gene that would cause my children to be allergic to sugar and another gene that could cause our children to go into kidney failure at an early age.  Thankfully unlike my balanced translocation ( the main reason why I do in vitro) these are recessive traits and since Matt is not a carrier we most likely do not need to worry about this.   

I also had one my biopsy results come back to say that I should have an embryo implanted NOT on day 5, which is typically when they implant an embryo.  So what does that mean?  

Your guess is as good as mine.  I do know that this means I get to do another trial cycle of shots and pills and get another cervical biopsy done to see if it would be best to implant on day 6.  So yippee my poor little bum gets extra attention again and Matt gets to enjoy poking my booty again.  The downside is this adds an extra 5-6 weeks of meds but if it gives me an answer as to when the best time to implant is, than I suppose it's worth it!  

So instead of repeating this test over again I will be starting in vitro once Aunt Flow makes her monthly stop.  She should be arriving in the next 2-3 weeks.  Matt starts busy soon so this round I get to give myself the in vitro shots.  I hate shots so we shall see how this goes.  If it's a huge failure my lovely neighbor has agreed to help me out!  Nothing better than having your neighbor help shoot you up to make a baby right?  Just helps and adds to the funny story of "where do babies come from."  

So stay tuned from details on ivf round # 4 and then shortly after round #5 I think.

So once again Happy New Year!!!!

P.S. I read a poem today that spoke to me that I thought I would share.  Although each month and year will and do get easier I still have an ache in my heart for everything Matt and I have been through and lost over the past couple of years.

    

Thanksgiving

A little late but better than never... This year I am thankful for strength and courage.  I am thankful for a husband that continues to provide an amazing support system through the the wonderful battle of infertility.  I stumbled upon this little quote and thought that it was so true...

                                            

Through this journey I am beginning to realize just how strong you have to be.  You have to be able to pick yourself up when you fall down  time and time again.  I hope you all had a wonderful Thansgiving. 

 We had quite a whirlwind of a vacation. We headed to Michigan to visit family and then on Friday my mom and I drove 3.5 hours to Naperville so I could get my blood drawn and an ultrasound.  We turned right around and then headed back to Michigan so I could finish the rest of the weekend with our families.  Saturday turned into an eventful day of praying to the porcelain princess.  I, along with two of my nephews, caught the wonderful stomach bug.  I spent the rest of Thanksgiving laying low.  Although it was cut short it was nice to spend time with family!

Tears of sadness

Today marks 1 year since we lost our sweet baby Collin.  Although we have brief and beautiful memories of him my heart still aches at the fact that he is only a memory and not with us today.

Time makes things easier but some days are just as hard as the day I walked out of the hospital with an empty heart and empty hand.  I still cry thinking that I endured the pain of labor only to deliver a child that would never be able to come home with us.  I still remember after delivering Collin the look and tears in my doctors eyes that she too wanted a happy ending and knew that she did not deliver that.

  I cannot imagine getting through the past year without all of the love and support from our faith, family, and friends.    So if you are reading this and are a family member or friend, know that you have helped Matt and I climb out of our deepest and darkest days.  Because of you we can see the sunshine in life again and can laugh and look to a better and happier future.  

On that note here is a little memory of Collin.  The tiniest and sweetest little foot print you could ever imagine.  

 

                    

Cheating on your doctor

I never really realized how attached you get to your doctors going through infertility treatments until Matt and I thought about switching to a new in vitro doctor. 

Last week Matt and I decided to get a second opinion with Dr. Charles Miller, another reproductive endocrinologist. He came recommended to us by our neighbors who have a beautiful ivf baby and a friend of a friend who is currently pregnant via IVF from him.

We had a long consultation with Dr. Miller and after his suggestion of trying a few different things/tests we have opted to no longer see our old reproductive endocrinologist Dr. Morris and start seeing Dr. Miller.  So once again after a beautiful vacation in Mexico we are starting the IVF journey again.  Here's a quick picture of our vacation!  Super relaxing allowed Matt and I to get away from life and all of its stressors. 

I started this week with my very last blood draw at my old doctors office to confirm that I was no longer pregnant.... A little bitter sweet to hear those words but reassuring that everything ended as it should and I don't need anything else done.  The nurse kindly told me to call when I was ready to start my next round of in vitro.  Knowing that I would not be returning to there office I got a little sentimental and almost sad as I hung the phone up.  

I feel confident in my decision to give another doctor a chance of making a miracle happen in this little body of mine. So just as things ended So fast I have quickly started the process again. I had blood and an ultrasound on Tuesday to confirm that my hormone levels are where they should be and I can begin a "trial period" of a pretend cycle of preparing my body for a frozen embryo transfer.  

This is new to me and will allow my new doctor to take two biopsies and test for a few different things.  So for the next 5-6 weeks I get to take a combination of oral pills and shots of progesterone in my booty!! Thank god for my husband who has been nick named "murse". Standing for my male nurse.  He's got the ole shot thing down!!  

Remembering!

We usually think of October as Breast cancer month but it also is a month to remember all of the women who have lost a child or suffered a miscarriage.  

Although sometimes it feels like I am all alone in my struggle to have a child I know very well that I am not.  After I lost Collin many people opened up to me and shared their stories.  It's amazing how many strong women and families are out there. 

Infant and pregnancy loss is something most people don't talk about publicly.  It's uncomfortable, it's sad, and it's hard to talk about.  I can only find hope and comfort from the stories that friends, relatives, and complete strangers have shared with me.  

So take today to remember and pray for all of the tiny little footprints we are missing but hold near and dear to our hearts.