I was hoping that eventually I would be able to post some exciting news on my blog but unfortunately my embryo transfer ended in a miscarriage again.
For those of you wondering... This marks # 4... Two early miscarriages in 2012, a pregnancy loss at 22 weeks in 2013, and another miscarriage at almost 8 weeks in 2014. So now what? How do you keep going when you just want to give up.
After this past miscarriage I was reflecting on life a little and why I cannot and won't give up. I remembered a patient I had during nursing school. I will never forget her. She was on the high risk OB floor and I was taking care of her after she had lost her baby to a still birth. You may not think that would be a reason to remember her but it wasn't her first loss. This poor woman was Gravida 21 Para 0 which means she had gotten pregnant 21 times and had zero living children. She had MS and could get pregnant but her body was just not strong enough to carry a child.
At the time I was only 20 and couldn't understand why this woman would put her body through something so horrible 21 times. Fast forward almost 8 years later and I get it. When you are fighting for something you want so bad you really will do anything. Now I don't think I can handle 21 miscarriages/losses but I am not quite ready to give up. I am sure that people must look at me with four losses and think, wow she's crazy, why not just adopt ? Although I have some beautiful friends and family members who have been adopted ( and that is not totally off our list) I am not quite ready for that, nor is Matt.
Matt and I have decided that mentally, physically, and emotionally we just need a little break. My poor little body has been pumped full of in vitro hormones since April. We have decided to take the next couple of months and enjoy life a little.
We planned a trip to Mexico, we are celebrating Halloween by having my entire family come and visit our new house, and are looking forward to spending the holidays with family and friends! I can already say the next few months will fly with lots of fun activities but it is exactly what the doctor ordered. Until then stay tuned
And if you need a little hope for yourself or for us listen to this song! It's called There's Hope in front of me by Danny Gokey. I am not sure if the link will work below but if not you can google it and it should pull up as a you tube video.
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