2 babies and an empty heart

I always feel so sad as we approach the "birthday" of Collin.  It's hard to believe it will be three years next week where my whole life changed forever.  This is the first year I will be celebrating his birthday in my heart as a mom.  I thought perhaps this year would be different, a little easier, but even with the birth of two beautiful baby girls the pain and sadness are still there.  

No I don't cry every day and I no longer think about him as often as I used to but the anniversary of his birth and death will forever haunt me.  I think about how much life there was to live and it makes me so sad.  To think that I never got to see him smile, laugh, walk, grow up.  

Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming about life with him in it.  I'm sure he'd be just as funny as his dad.  And our house would be a whole lot louder.  Hard to beat some days with the girls but I'm sure he would have had the most contagious laugh.  One day I'll see him again.  Until then I'll live for him and daydream what life would have been like.

Matt and I finally got the courage and have the time to get him a little headstone for where we buried his ashes.  We hopefully will do this when we are home for Thanksgiving.