Circle of Life

      

                                        

How do you put into words how precious life is... Words just don't do it justice.  I've had many tears over the past week and a half feeling just so happy and sad that our "journey" of the road less traveled has ended with the most precious gift from God.  I've cried so hard because I'm just so happy to have had the chance to birth these beautiful babies.  I've cried so hard because 5 precious little lives never made it, one big enough I physically got to hold.  And I've cried just to cry because let's face it I'm a hormonal wreck.  

I decided after I started my last round of in vitro that I was going to save all of the needles from my last round of in vitro and all of the daily/weekly shots and take a picture with them surrounding the babies.  I saw a similar picture that went viral on the Internet and thought it was really inspiring.  That someone could go through so much physical and emotional pain to get what they wanted.  So here's my last round, surrounding my babies.. Babies I can hold, laugh with, cry with, and mother for the rest of my life.  

I can't really explain how greatful I am that Madelyn and Emma are here but I don't think I could have done it without all of the support from so many people over the years.  I'm realizing though that as much as I felt sad, so many people felt sad for Matt and I too.  My dad told me when he was home with me last week that he's never cried so much in his life.  He told me that he is so proud of Matt and I for persevering our dreams to become parents.  For a man that I've seen cry only enough to count on one hand like most men, I realized then that we were not alone in the sadness...  Talk about wanting to just drop down and cry like a baby right then and there.  However I quitely weeped tears next to him and told him I was happy that we didn't give up too. 

Its unbelievable how many beautiful cards of encouragement and beautiful gifts we have received.  Although the gifts are extremely nice to me the sentiment behind the gift is what truly means the most.  That we finally get to celebrate... Celebrate life!  Celebrate a victory! Celebrate just beginning of the best adventure to come.  

I used to have a favorite day... My wedding day!  Now I can say the birth date of Madelyn and Emma is my favorite.  Not because it was fun... Hello a c-section and being ripped open to pull out two kids is not enjoyable but it has brought so much joy and once again renewed my life and brought my true smile back....the one I lost for a while.  So please keep following our journey.  It's not over yet.  It's just the beginning.  

1 week old

          

We have officially made it through our first week as a family of four and we are doing great.  We were in the hospital for only 3 days and we're all healthy enough to go home.  Praise god for no NICU stay!!!

Monday was our first family outing.  We had to go to the pediatrician to make sure the girls had not dropped too much weight from the day prior.  We left the hospital with them weighing a little less than they like to see so we have been breastfeeding and supplementing with formula.  Maddie weighed 5.6 lbs and Emma was 5.5 lbs and looked great according to the pediatrician.  I was pretty proud of our outing... We made it out the door, on time, with full bellies, and dry diapers.  

Tuesday we went out for our first family walk. I was feeling well enough to take a nice slow stroll around he neighborhood.  

Wednesday we introduced the girls to moms favorite store TARGET and then picked up a few last minute items we needed at Buy Buy Baby. The rest of the day was spent just hanging out at the house.  We've been loving the Twin Z pillow for the girls.  

Thursday we just kind of hung around and stared at our babies and took another stroke ride with our big floppy hats 

Friday we had a busy day full of pictures. We had a photographer come to the house and take pictures of the girls ... Here's a sneak peak of our photo session 

  We've had quite a busy week which also included lots of visitors getting to meet the girls for the first time.  We are so in love and just can't get enough of these two little ones. 

Born July 14, 2016

                   They Are Here!!

Madelyn Grace Born July 14, 2016 at 9:13 am.  5 lbs 15 oz and 19.5 in

Emma Marie Born July 14, 2016 at 9:15 am. 5 lbs 13 oz and 20 inches

Our first family picture !!

Due date!!!

Ok. This one clearly is a bit late, but here were my thoughts the day before my baby girls blessed us mad came into this world:

Today is the big day!!!

I can't believe 37.5 weeks ago, I was sitting in Dr. Miller's office waiting my 15 minutes, spread eagle in stirrups, hoping and praying that our two little embryos were going to stick.  I remember my first ultrasound... The ultrasound that they told me we had had a vanishing twin, and twin A wasn't going to make it, but twin B was.  She actually only gave us a picture of twin B because she was so sure. Only to hear a week or two later two tiny little heartbeats.  And wouldn't you know.. twin A has been the bigger baby this whole time (I have a feeling she is going to be the fiesty one).  And those two little heartbeats are what have kept me going each and every week.

I'm not sure that you ever really can prepare yourself for the arrival and delivery of multiples, but I do know one thing, I have not regretted implanting two.  Has it been an easy pregnancy? That's up for debate.  I have never in my life puked so much and the whole hospitalization thing kind of put a damper on the pregnancy.  But on the positive side it made me realize how much I needed to slow down if I wanted to not have premie babies. Other than that, I think I've embraced this pregnancy just like any other normal pregnancy.... Well kind of. 

I can say that I really do not like being prenant but even though I don't, there is something beautiful about it.  The rolls and kicks of two babies growing inside me reminds me each and every day how precious life is.   I've taken this week to reflect a lot on the past 4 years and how lucky I am that God gave me another opportunity at having a baby and blessed Matt and I with not one but two.

I remember after losing Collin at 22.5 weeks and 3 failed rounds of ivf another 2 miscarriages thinking whether or not I was ever going to be able to carry my own children.  Unconventionally I have this time with the help of an egg lady and I do not regret it at all.  I am trying to prepare myself a little for the proper reaction of "oh they don't look like you they look so much like Matt" or "oh wow she has your eyes". I know it will be a little hard to stomach and provide a tinge of pain the first time. However, this route has allowed Matt and me to expand our family and that is the most important thing to us. 

So here we go. We are literally walking out the door to drive to the hospital. In just a few short hours, we will be a family of four and oh boy are we ready. Prayers for a save delivery and two healthy little baby girls!

Here is the final belly pic that we took before we went to the hospital on Thursday morning. Whoa momma! (I know same outfit as last week, but lay off me. I am running out of close that fit!)

How Far Along: 37 weeks 5 days

Total weight gained:  55 pounds.

Cravings: not that I can think of.

Stretch Marks: No more than before 

Sleep: I slept terrible last night, which is not surprising given we are having these babies today.

Nausea or Queasy: of course. All the way until the end. 

Wedding rings on or off: off

Signs of labor: Not a single sign of it. We made it all the way!  

Gender: 2 baby girls

Looking forward to: hearing their first breath and cry.

Belly Button in or out: just a tiny bit has started to protrude 

Movement: yes and lots of it. My belly rolls all over. 

Baby Dreams: Not that I can remember.

Complaints: just ready for them to get here!

37 Weeks

I did it!  I made it to full term with these babies.  All the thoughts, prayers, no more work, decreased stress, and lazy days of laying low instead of running around like a crazy lady have finally paid off.  I really can't believe after two hospital stays that these little ladies are cozy and comfy inside their little wombs.  I know I'm running out of room, so I can only imagine what it feels like for them.

Matt and I celebrated this milestone by going on a coffee and dinner date.  We figured we better get one last date night in since it is going to be a while. Now we are just waiting.... 3.5 more days to go.  

                                     

How Far Along: 37 weeks 1 day

Total weight gained:  50 pounds. Boo hoo I finally surpassed Matt. 

Cravings: a brown sugar pop tart sounded pretty damn good the other day

Stretch Marks: I'm seeing just a few tiny ones on my left side of my belly button.  

Sleep: I stopped the procardia prescription so I am sleeping less and less... Not to mention the nerves of having twins in just a few short days is making for a rough nights sleep.

Nausea or Queasy: of course 

Wedding rings on or off: off

Signs of labor: I think these girls are in it for the long haul... See you Thursday!  

Gender: 2 baby girls

Looking forward to: hearing their first breath and cry.... My heart is going to sink and feel so full. I get a big lump in my throat and tears in my eyes just thinking about it. 

Belly Button in or out: just a tiny bit has started to protrude 

Movement: yes and lots of it. My belly rolls all over. 

Baby Dreams: I had a funny one this week.  I had a dream that we were adopting twins from Mexico. We had dropped two car seats off at the airport so when the twins arrived we could just pick them up from the airport attendant and head straight to the car.  Well when the airplane arrived and we got to finally meet our "new babies" they were in super old crappy car seats and I was so upset.  Rather than embrace the moment and take it in that I was able to see, hold, and hug, my own two new children I couldn't get over the car seats.  Thankfully this was just a dream and I woke up.  So stupid!!

Complaints: I am ready to be done... Thank goodness I don't have to go longer than is week

    

36 Weeks

36 weeks down and 7.5 more days to go.  I finally have an end to my journey and ready or not these little ones will be here July 14th at 8:00 am!  We had our appointment last week and I finally was able to schedule the c-section for July 14th.  

I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the arrival of two little ones in just about a week but I just can't really grasp the thought of it still.  So instead of laying low Matt and I spent our past weekend enjoying life as it is before it changes drastically in the next week.  

Although we were not able to travel back to Michigan for the 4th of July festivities we made the best of it and enjoyed our weekend with lots of friends.  

On Saturday Matt and I headed to the Northern Chicago Suburbs to visit my good friend Anna from college.  She lives in Dallas so it's hard to see each other and our visits are far and few these days. Her family was nice enough to allow Matt and I to crash their family dinner and enjoy a nice evening with them.  Another plus her boyfriend was also in town and I got to met him.  Even at 36+ weeks it was such an enjoyable time together.  Every time I actually get to see Anna I realize how much I miss her.  Here we are... In rare form as we almost always are. 

For 4th of July we hosted some of our friends that live in Naperville for some backyard grilling, bags, and booze.  It wasn't quite the crazy 4th of July party since Matt has a two beer limit I have put him on "just in case I go into labor and he has to drive me to the hospital" but we all had a good time.  Our town has a bug festival and had fireworks but we decided to nix that idea.  The thought of having to walk a mile and fight a crowd of thousands to watch fireworks just did not seem appealing to me.  So we sat in our backyard and watched the fireworks that our neighbors were shooting off.  Surprisingly they were pretty good.  I was impressed.  

  Here are some pictures from the day.  

Here's a shot of my belly next to the desserts I made... Hope it puts into perspective how long it actually is! 

A "selfie" of Matt and I.  

Matt sporting his American bro tank! 

And lastly a group shot of all of us!  

A little late but here is my weekly picture of 36 weeks.  I also finished this week off my celebrating on Tuesday that I am DONE with my injections!  No more fake hormones for me, no more Ivf needles, no more pokes from my husband for at least another year or two.  That is until we will be ready for baby #3.  Wahoooo!!! 

How Far Along: 36 weeks 4 days

Total weight gained:  48 pounds.  Matt and I have the ongoing joke of when will I finally surpass his weight.  Right now we are neck and neck but by the end of this week I'm going to be able to say I'll take the reigning title of heavy weight champion!!

Cravings: i finally fulfilled my lemon cravings by making lemonade and ice box lemon pie.  Both were delightful !!

Stretch Marks: I'm seeing just a few tiny ones on my left side of my belly button.  

Sleep: oh pregnancy insomnia how you have gotten me bad this week.  I have to set my alarm at 3:00 am every morning to take my medicine so instead of falling back asleep I have been up for 1-2.5 hours. 

Nausea or Queasy: yes and I'm so so ready to be done puking.  It was a bad week.  Puking two times in a day about put me over the edge one morning

Wedding rings on or off: off

Signs of labor: hmm if only they were a little stronger.  Cramping, Braxton hicks, just nothing more. 

Gender: 2 baby girls

Looking forward to: if I still haven't had these little ones by this weekend Matt and I are going to go on our last and final date together as just the two of us 

Belly Button in or out: just a tiny bit has started to protrude 

Movement: yes and lots of it. My belly rolls all over. 

Baby Dreams: hmmm I can't remember

Complaints: I started having numbness and tingling in my fingers... That's new and annoying.  It's starting to be more like all day than just in the morning.  Oh well.  I can live with it.  Just one more week and I'll have more to complain about like sleepless nights, c-section incision pain, a jiggly tummy, etc...