Tears of sadness

Today marks 1 year since we lost our sweet baby Collin.  Although we have brief and beautiful memories of him my heart still aches at the fact that he is only a memory and not with us today.

Time makes things easier but some days are just as hard as the day I walked out of the hospital with an empty heart and empty hand.  I still cry thinking that I endured the pain of labor only to deliver a child that would never be able to come home with us.  I still remember after delivering Collin the look and tears in my doctors eyes that she too wanted a happy ending and knew that she did not deliver that.

  I cannot imagine getting through the past year without all of the love and support from our faith, family, and friends.    So if you are reading this and are a family member or friend, know that you have helped Matt and I climb out of our deepest and darkest days.  Because of you we can see the sunshine in life again and can laugh and look to a better and happier future.  

On that note here is a little memory of Collin.  The tiniest and sweetest little foot print you could ever imagine.  

 

                    

Cheating on your doctor

I never really realized how attached you get to your doctors going through infertility treatments until Matt and I thought about switching to a new in vitro doctor. 

Last week Matt and I decided to get a second opinion with Dr. Charles Miller, another reproductive endocrinologist. He came recommended to us by our neighbors who have a beautiful ivf baby and a friend of a friend who is currently pregnant via IVF from him.

We had a long consultation with Dr. Miller and after his suggestion of trying a few different things/tests we have opted to no longer see our old reproductive endocrinologist Dr. Morris and start seeing Dr. Miller.  So once again after a beautiful vacation in Mexico we are starting the IVF journey again.  Here's a quick picture of our vacation!  Super relaxing allowed Matt and I to get away from life and all of its stressors. 

I started this week with my very last blood draw at my old doctors office to confirm that I was no longer pregnant.... A little bitter sweet to hear those words but reassuring that everything ended as it should and I don't need anything else done.  The nurse kindly told me to call when I was ready to start my next round of in vitro.  Knowing that I would not be returning to there office I got a little sentimental and almost sad as I hung the phone up.  

I feel confident in my decision to give another doctor a chance of making a miracle happen in this little body of mine. So just as things ended So fast I have quickly started the process again. I had blood and an ultrasound on Tuesday to confirm that my hormone levels are where they should be and I can begin a "trial period" of a pretend cycle of preparing my body for a frozen embryo transfer.  

This is new to me and will allow my new doctor to take two biopsies and test for a few different things.  So for the next 5-6 weeks I get to take a combination of oral pills and shots of progesterone in my booty!! Thank god for my husband who has been nick named "murse". Standing for my male nurse.  He's got the ole shot thing down!!