It's a Marathon not a sprint!

In vitro sometimes feels like the never ending race!  I have run 5 marathons and with every race their typically is a point around mile 19-21 that seems to be the hardest to push through... What's another 4 or 5 miles when you have already run 20 right?  Well mind over matter you sometimes hit a wall and it seems like an eternity to the finish line.  Some how though I have always pushed through and walked/ran my way to the finish line.

It seems like we are once again on mile 19 or 20 of 26.2 ... How are we going to keep going? Will we ever make it to the finish? 

We received the results of the genetic testing and once again they were inconclusive.  So now what?  Give up?  Keep going? Matt and I feel very discouraged.  We are waiting to hear back from our reproductive endocrinologist to see where we go from here.  So just as you were hoping for positive results like we were with sad eyes and empty hearts we keep waiting...

Thankfully we are going on vacation and spending a week with my family at  "The Cottage" in Michigan.  

Lucky Number 7

  

                 

Well we ended up with 7 embryos after 6 days of growing.  Lucky number 7 or not it's the most we have had out of the 2 other cycles.  Now we have to wait another two weeks for the genetic testing to come back to determine how many embryos are normal and balanced.  Prayers for at least one ( but we're hoping for more right? )

Embryo Update

Just a quick little update for you all.  We've gone from 26 eggs to 17 growing embryos.  It seems like in the scheme of things that we lost a lot but this is the most embryos we have had out of all three rounds.  So 17 makes me feel like there is a little bit of a chance that one will be normal!!

Egg Retrieval

I think it was fate!  When I woke up this morning and looked out my bathroom window I saw the cute little bunny eating his morning breakfast in our yard.  Matt got up a few minutes later and he saw the baby bunny that lives in our yard.  We don't always see them in the morning or even on a daily basis but I think it was a good omen before our egg retrieval this morning. 

Just a quick update.  We had our egg retrieval today.  Everything went well and Dr. Morris was able to retrieve a total of 26 eggs.  Unfortunately the numbers are all downhill from here but at least we are starting with a good number!  9 more than last time and 6 more than my first round of ivf.  So now the hardest part of the whole ivf process waiting.  We have to wait a total of 14-20 days to get the final results. Definitely a test to my patience which at times I really don't have any. 

Growing like a weed

I had my 4th and final ultrasound today and my follicles are growing like weeds.  They are finally  big enough for the final " trigger shot."  I am now up to 20 follicles ranging from 8 millimeters to 23 millimeters in  size.  Most of them are on the bigger size of 16 plus which is what I want. My doctor had me go an extra 2 days this round.

 So use your imagination ladies and gents and imagine 10 holes on your left ovary and 10 holes on your right ovary measuring that large.  Think you know what it feels like??  Well I do.  Let me take you back to your good ole middle school days.  That large throbbing pimple on your nose that you are just dying to pop ... Yep that's pretty much as close to the analogy as I could get to my pulsing ovaries.  But hey it's worth it right!  When I get to hold one maybe even two baby M's in my arms.

So this is good news!  We want as many eggs as we can and the more follicles the more eggs!!!  So keep praying for us and that our retrieval goes well on Thursday.

And as always a little Inspiration...

Romans 8:18 The pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that is coming.

Bunnies!

Maybe it's a sign... A good sign!  Two days ago we had the cutest bunnies in our backyard.  Although we are not supposed to I fed them some carrots.  A few hours later after Matt picked me up from work there was another bunny in our front yard. I decided to feed him my only snack in the car, walnuts!  Who knew those like guys liked walnuts.  He nearly licked his chops and begged for more.  

I'm not sure what made me think of this but I googled the meaning of bunnies.  I nearly had tears in my eyes.

"Traditionally, rabbits are associated with fertility, sentiment, desire, and procreation.  All of us know the power of population the rabbit has - they are legendary for their ability to reproduce fast and furiously. For that same reason, the rabbit is a perfect symbol. The rabbit is also a symbol of Ostara an ancient fertility goddess whose symbols are rabbits, various flowers and eggs (more life/growth/fertility themes!)".

Perhaps the rabbit has always been my good luck charm and I didn't know it.  When I found out I was pregnant with baby Collin my first baby purchase was a cute Bunnies By The Bay bunny blanket. It has always held a special place in my heart.  Maybe a stretch of hope but perhaps he's watching over us so that he can one day see a little brother or sister.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I think the bunnies are bringing us good luck!  I had my ultrasound yesterday and had 16 follicles!  In nearly 2 days I went from 2 follicles  to 16.  I have my next appointment tomorrow to see where things stand.

Sunshine and Solitude

Well I am on day 6 of in vitro and not feeling too confident in this cycle.  Although it's hard to tell from my first doctors appointment where things will turn out, I was a little disappointed in my ultrasound results.  It only showed two dominant folicles.

  In layman's terms there were only two big areas or holes in my ovaries that could potentially house a growing egg.  I still have another 5+ days to go but the more folicles that there are the better the chances are for more eggs.  

So I spent the morning having coffee with Matt and getting a little pep talk by my amazing husband.  It's hard to ride the emotional roller coaster of in vitro but I wouldn't want to ride it with anyone else !  He continues to keep my head up when I just want to fall down.  Today's inspiration of the day...

So I am not going to give up!  I treated myself to a "Jenny Day" and spent the day chatting on the phone, basking in the sun, reading magazines, and enjoying my beautiful backyard flowers and serenity.  In such stressful times all I can do is try to act as calm as I can!  So tonight I continue with my in vitro shots ( I am up to three per night) and hope and pray that my doctors appointment tomorrow show us a little more promise in numbers!

Here's a bouquet of flowers I picked for myself from the front yard!  Not too bad for a city girl!

Spirit Women

I suppose in desperation you will turn and do anything to get pregnant when battling infertility.  So when my mom and I found the "Spirit Women" we thought well it can't hurt.  

So just like the old wives tales I placed my hope, dream, and desire to one day bare children in the spirit women's secret pocket!  Hopefully she will, with a little help from the big man above, make things brighter some day. 

Not only have I turned to the spirit women for help bt have turned to a growing list of mental checks that make me think... One day this is going to work! 

So in order to successfully bring these babies to life I have done the following... Started eating an organic diet, prayed to god that I am going to have these children, prayed to Grandma Skiba that her luck of having 16 children would be brought to me, placed my secret in the spirit women's pocket, stopped drinking alcohol, and oh so many other things.  

If anything all of these at least keep my mind occupied and make me feel like I am kind of trying to help myself.  More than anything it makes me laugh of how nutty this makes me but hey we are all weird in our own ways. So on a positive note and just like Grandma Joycene told me this weekend... It's not a matter of if it's a matter of when and we just have to be patient!!