Remembering!

We usually think of October as Breast cancer month but it also is a month to remember all of the women who have lost a child or suffered a miscarriage.  

Although sometimes it feels like I am all alone in my struggle to have a child I know very well that I am not.  After I lost Collin many people opened up to me and shared their stories.  It's amazing how many strong women and families are out there. 

Infant and pregnancy loss is something most people don't talk about publicly.  It's uncomfortable, it's sad, and it's hard to talk about.  I can only find hope and comfort from the stories that friends, relatives, and complete strangers have shared with me.  

So take today to remember and pray for all of the tiny little footprints we are missing but hold near and dear to our hearts. 

Taking a much needed break...

I was hoping that eventually I would be able to post some exciting news on my blog but unfortunately my embryo transfer ended in a miscarriage again.

For those of you wondering... This marks # 4...  Two early miscarriages in 2012, a pregnancy loss at 22 weeks in 2013, and another miscarriage at almost 8 weeks in 2014.  So now what?  How do you keep going when you just want to give up.  

After this past miscarriage I was reflecting on life a little and why I cannot and won't give up.  I remembered a patient I had during nursing school.  I will never forget her.  She was on the high risk OB floor and I was taking care of her after she had lost her baby to a still birth.  You may not think that would be a reason to remember her but it wasn't her first loss.  This poor woman was Gravida 21 Para 0 which means she had gotten pregnant 21 times and had zero living children.  She had MS and could get pregnant but her body was just not strong enough to carry a child.  

At the time I was only 20 and couldn't understand why this woman would put her body through something so horrible 21 times.  Fast forward almost 8 years later and I get it.  When you are fighting for something you want so bad you really will do anything.  Now I don't think I can handle 21 miscarriages/losses but  I am not quite ready to give up.  I am sure that people must look at me with four losses and think, wow she's crazy, why not just adopt ?  Although I have some beautiful friends and family members who have been adopted ( and that is not totally off our list) I am not quite ready for that, nor is Matt.

Matt and I have decided that mentally, physically, and emotionally we just need a little break.  My poor little body has been pumped full of in vitro hormones since April.  We have decided to take the next couple of months and enjoy life a little.  

We planned a trip to Mexico, we are celebrating Halloween by having my entire family come and visit our new house, and are looking forward to spending the holidays with family and friends!  I can already say the next few months will fly with lots of fun activities but it is exactly what the doctor ordered.  Until then stay tuned

And if you need a little hope for yourself or for us listen to this song!  It's called There's Hope in front of me by Danny Gokey.  I am not sure if the link will work below but if not you can google it and it should pull up as a you tube video.  

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9KIhYZQ_ovw