Happy New Year!

I hope 2015 brings lots of health and happiness to everyone!  We have been busy celebrating our birthdays and holidays over the past month with lots of family and friends.  I also celebrated my birthday with waking up and not having to get any shots.  I had finished my trial cycle the day before so it was a nice treat.  

So the big question for Matt and I... What will 2015 bring?  I don't think it will bring us babies ( they would be too early if they came and we don't want that again) but hopefully it will bring on a healthy pregnancy!!!!

I had quite a few extra tests done with Dr. Miller to prepare for my next in vitro cycles.  Thus far we have concluded that I have no blood clotting problems, no bacterial infection, no autoimmune disease, and I have the needed protein to help my body implant an embryo.

 I again had testing come back for another crazy genetic thing.  I am a carrier for a gene that would cause my children to be allergic to sugar and another gene that could cause our children to go into kidney failure at an early age.  Thankfully unlike my balanced translocation ( the main reason why I do in vitro) these are recessive traits and since Matt is not a carrier we most likely do not need to worry about this.   

I also had one my biopsy results come back to say that I should have an embryo implanted NOT on day 5, which is typically when they implant an embryo.  So what does that mean?  

Your guess is as good as mine.  I do know that this means I get to do another trial cycle of shots and pills and get another cervical biopsy done to see if it would be best to implant on day 6.  So yippee my poor little bum gets extra attention again and Matt gets to enjoy poking my booty again.  The downside is this adds an extra 5-6 weeks of meds but if it gives me an answer as to when the best time to implant is, than I suppose it's worth it!  

So instead of repeating this test over again I will be starting in vitro once Aunt Flow makes her monthly stop.  She should be arriving in the next 2-3 weeks.  Matt starts busy soon so this round I get to give myself the in vitro shots.  I hate shots so we shall see how this goes.  If it's a huge failure my lovely neighbor has agreed to help me out!  Nothing better than having your neighbor help shoot you up to make a baby right?  Just helps and adds to the funny story of "where do babies come from."  

So stay tuned from details on ivf round # 4 and then shortly after round #5 I think.

So once again Happy New Year!!!!

P.S. I read a poem today that spoke to me that I thought I would share.  Although each month and year will and do get easier I still have an ache in my heart for everything Matt and I have been through and lost over the past couple of years.

    

Thanksgiving

A little late but better than never... This year I am thankful for strength and courage.  I am thankful for a husband that continues to provide an amazing support system through the the wonderful battle of infertility.  I stumbled upon this little quote and thought that it was so true...

                                            

Through this journey I am beginning to realize just how strong you have to be.  You have to be able to pick yourself up when you fall down  time and time again.  I hope you all had a wonderful Thansgiving. 

 We had quite a whirlwind of a vacation. We headed to Michigan to visit family and then on Friday my mom and I drove 3.5 hours to Naperville so I could get my blood drawn and an ultrasound.  We turned right around and then headed back to Michigan so I could finish the rest of the weekend with our families.  Saturday turned into an eventful day of praying to the porcelain princess.  I, along with two of my nephews, caught the wonderful stomach bug.  I spent the rest of Thanksgiving laying low.  Although it was cut short it was nice to spend time with family!

Tears of sadness

Today marks 1 year since we lost our sweet baby Collin.  Although we have brief and beautiful memories of him my heart still aches at the fact that he is only a memory and not with us today.

Time makes things easier but some days are just as hard as the day I walked out of the hospital with an empty heart and empty hand.  I still cry thinking that I endured the pain of labor only to deliver a child that would never be able to come home with us.  I still remember after delivering Collin the look and tears in my doctors eyes that she too wanted a happy ending and knew that she did not deliver that.

  I cannot imagine getting through the past year without all of the love and support from our faith, family, and friends.    So if you are reading this and are a family member or friend, know that you have helped Matt and I climb out of our deepest and darkest days.  Because of you we can see the sunshine in life again and can laugh and look to a better and happier future.  

On that note here is a little memory of Collin.  The tiniest and sweetest little foot print you could ever imagine.  

 

                    

Cheating on your doctor

I never really realized how attached you get to your doctors going through infertility treatments until Matt and I thought about switching to a new in vitro doctor. 

Last week Matt and I decided to get a second opinion with Dr. Charles Miller, another reproductive endocrinologist. He came recommended to us by our neighbors who have a beautiful ivf baby and a friend of a friend who is currently pregnant via IVF from him.

We had a long consultation with Dr. Miller and after his suggestion of trying a few different things/tests we have opted to no longer see our old reproductive endocrinologist Dr. Morris and start seeing Dr. Miller.  So once again after a beautiful vacation in Mexico we are starting the IVF journey again.  Here's a quick picture of our vacation!  Super relaxing allowed Matt and I to get away from life and all of its stressors. 

I started this week with my very last blood draw at my old doctors office to confirm that I was no longer pregnant.... A little bitter sweet to hear those words but reassuring that everything ended as it should and I don't need anything else done.  The nurse kindly told me to call when I was ready to start my next round of in vitro.  Knowing that I would not be returning to there office I got a little sentimental and almost sad as I hung the phone up.  

I feel confident in my decision to give another doctor a chance of making a miracle happen in this little body of mine. So just as things ended So fast I have quickly started the process again. I had blood and an ultrasound on Tuesday to confirm that my hormone levels are where they should be and I can begin a "trial period" of a pretend cycle of preparing my body for a frozen embryo transfer.  

This is new to me and will allow my new doctor to take two biopsies and test for a few different things.  So for the next 5-6 weeks I get to take a combination of oral pills and shots of progesterone in my booty!! Thank god for my husband who has been nick named "murse". Standing for my male nurse.  He's got the ole shot thing down!!  

Remembering!

We usually think of October as Breast cancer month but it also is a month to remember all of the women who have lost a child or suffered a miscarriage.  

Although sometimes it feels like I am all alone in my struggle to have a child I know very well that I am not.  After I lost Collin many people opened up to me and shared their stories.  It's amazing how many strong women and families are out there. 

Infant and pregnancy loss is something most people don't talk about publicly.  It's uncomfortable, it's sad, and it's hard to talk about.  I can only find hope and comfort from the stories that friends, relatives, and complete strangers have shared with me.  

So take today to remember and pray for all of the tiny little footprints we are missing but hold near and dear to our hearts. 

Taking a much needed break...

I was hoping that eventually I would be able to post some exciting news on my blog but unfortunately my embryo transfer ended in a miscarriage again.

For those of you wondering... This marks # 4...  Two early miscarriages in 2012, a pregnancy loss at 22 weeks in 2013, and another miscarriage at almost 8 weeks in 2014.  So now what?  How do you keep going when you just want to give up.  

After this past miscarriage I was reflecting on life a little and why I cannot and won't give up.  I remembered a patient I had during nursing school.  I will never forget her.  She was on the high risk OB floor and I was taking care of her after she had lost her baby to a still birth.  You may not think that would be a reason to remember her but it wasn't her first loss.  This poor woman was Gravida 21 Para 0 which means she had gotten pregnant 21 times and had zero living children.  She had MS and could get pregnant but her body was just not strong enough to carry a child.  

At the time I was only 20 and couldn't understand why this woman would put her body through something so horrible 21 times.  Fast forward almost 8 years later and I get it.  When you are fighting for something you want so bad you really will do anything.  Now I don't think I can handle 21 miscarriages/losses but  I am not quite ready to give up.  I am sure that people must look at me with four losses and think, wow she's crazy, why not just adopt ?  Although I have some beautiful friends and family members who have been adopted ( and that is not totally off our list) I am not quite ready for that, nor is Matt.

Matt and I have decided that mentally, physically, and emotionally we just need a little break.  My poor little body has been pumped full of in vitro hormones since April.  We have decided to take the next couple of months and enjoy life a little.  

We planned a trip to Mexico, we are celebrating Halloween by having my entire family come and visit our new house, and are looking forward to spending the holidays with family and friends!  I can already say the next few months will fly with lots of fun activities but it is exactly what the doctor ordered.  Until then stay tuned

And if you need a little hope for yourself or for us listen to this song!  It's called There's Hope in front of me by Danny Gokey.  I am not sure if the link will work below but if not you can google it and it should pull up as a you tube video.  

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9KIhYZQ_ovw

Making a Baby!

I remember a few years ago when Matt and I started talking about wanting kids.  I remember hearing funny stories of how friends and family members were conceived.  I always kind of wondered how my own children would be conceived... I always  had imagined it would have entailed a night with a little too much wine and you know what.

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine getting pregnant and it looking like this ( see pics below)!  

We have been down this road before but it makes me giggle just a little to know that this crazy garb is part of the process of getting "knocked up."  

I am happy to announce that our perfect little embryo made it through the thawing process and we implanted it yesterday!  If you were wondering what an embryo looks like here he or she is

God decided to provide a beautiful sunny day for implantation day!  Dr. Morris ( our reproductive endocrinologist) said that the embryo looked great and that the picture above shows the embryo hatching, another good sign.  So now we begin yet another waiting game and see in about a week and a half whether or not the embryo implanted.  We've gotten over a few hurdles and now have to patiently wait for the next step!  I am staying home this Labor Day weekend resting and imagining my little embryo burrowing down deeply into its new home.  

Matt and I both laughed yesterday at the thought of our Angel baby, Collin, talking to the new embryo and telling him/her how wonderful his/her new home is ( my uterus) and that they made some great additions ( a transabdominal cerclage).  We imagined that my uterus feels as soft as the potterybarn blanket I own and cannot imagine why anyone wouldn't want to nestle down for a 9 month nap.  So hopefully by next week we will know if all of this has worked.  We are praying that god continues to watch over us and provide a miracle to grow and develop over the next 9 months! 

Twins?!?!

Twins?  No, not me! However, I cracked an egg for breakfast the other morning and to my surprise twin yolks!  Two days later, twins again!  Matt even had twin yolks this weekend.  Maybe it's fate or good signs to come?  

I took a little hiatus from blogging!  I was mad about my results and didn't really know what was going to happen.  So two months later and a total test to our patience we finally have ONE beautiful little frozen embryo that is totally normal and good to implant.  

How exciting right?  Well not so fast... This embryo has one huge step before we can implant.  It has to make the thaw in order for us to be able to implant it.  So for the past 4.5 weeks I have been preparing my body with lots of hormones and getting ready for the implantation to occur.  

I am scheduled to have the embryo transferred Thursday August 28, 2014.  I am totally thrilled yet scared out of my mind.  I won't know if the embryo "made it" or not until the morning of! So in the mean time I am stuck hoping, praying, and pleading to god that this ONE and only little frosty ( aka the embryo) is a tough one!

So I ask you to pray for us.  Pray for our embryologist who has to thaw the embryo.  And pray that the embryo makes it and implants! 

What a roller coaster of emotions!  From happy tears to tears of fear and anger I am once again riding out gods little plan and realizing that making a family really is not in my hands nor will it ever be.  Hopefully Matt and I will be able to celebrate in a few weeks that we are once again pregnant and one step closer to bringing a baby home!  

It's a Marathon not a sprint!

In vitro sometimes feels like the never ending race!  I have run 5 marathons and with every race their typically is a point around mile 19-21 that seems to be the hardest to push through... What's another 4 or 5 miles when you have already run 20 right?  Well mind over matter you sometimes hit a wall and it seems like an eternity to the finish line.  Some how though I have always pushed through and walked/ran my way to the finish line.

It seems like we are once again on mile 19 or 20 of 26.2 ... How are we going to keep going? Will we ever make it to the finish? 

We received the results of the genetic testing and once again they were inconclusive.  So now what?  Give up?  Keep going? Matt and I feel very discouraged.  We are waiting to hear back from our reproductive endocrinologist to see where we go from here.  So just as you were hoping for positive results like we were with sad eyes and empty hearts we keep waiting...

Thankfully we are going on vacation and spending a week with my family at  "The Cottage" in Michigan.  

Lucky Number 7

  

                 

Well we ended up with 7 embryos after 6 days of growing.  Lucky number 7 or not it's the most we have had out of the 2 other cycles.  Now we have to wait another two weeks for the genetic testing to come back to determine how many embryos are normal and balanced.  Prayers for at least one ( but we're hoping for more right? )

Embryo Update

Just a quick little update for you all.  We've gone from 26 eggs to 17 growing embryos.  It seems like in the scheme of things that we lost a lot but this is the most embryos we have had out of all three rounds.  So 17 makes me feel like there is a little bit of a chance that one will be normal!!

Egg Retrieval

I think it was fate!  When I woke up this morning and looked out my bathroom window I saw the cute little bunny eating his morning breakfast in our yard.  Matt got up a few minutes later and he saw the baby bunny that lives in our yard.  We don't always see them in the morning or even on a daily basis but I think it was a good omen before our egg retrieval this morning. 

Just a quick update.  We had our egg retrieval today.  Everything went well and Dr. Morris was able to retrieve a total of 26 eggs.  Unfortunately the numbers are all downhill from here but at least we are starting with a good number!  9 more than last time and 6 more than my first round of ivf.  So now the hardest part of the whole ivf process waiting.  We have to wait a total of 14-20 days to get the final results. Definitely a test to my patience which at times I really don't have any. 

Growing like a weed

I had my 4th and final ultrasound today and my follicles are growing like weeds.  They are finally  big enough for the final " trigger shot."  I am now up to 20 follicles ranging from 8 millimeters to 23 millimeters in  size.  Most of them are on the bigger size of 16 plus which is what I want. My doctor had me go an extra 2 days this round.

 So use your imagination ladies and gents and imagine 10 holes on your left ovary and 10 holes on your right ovary measuring that large.  Think you know what it feels like??  Well I do.  Let me take you back to your good ole middle school days.  That large throbbing pimple on your nose that you are just dying to pop ... Yep that's pretty much as close to the analogy as I could get to my pulsing ovaries.  But hey it's worth it right!  When I get to hold one maybe even two baby M's in my arms.

So this is good news!  We want as many eggs as we can and the more follicles the more eggs!!!  So keep praying for us and that our retrieval goes well on Thursday.

And as always a little Inspiration...

Romans 8:18 The pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that is coming.

Bunnies!

Maybe it's a sign... A good sign!  Two days ago we had the cutest bunnies in our backyard.  Although we are not supposed to I fed them some carrots.  A few hours later after Matt picked me up from work there was another bunny in our front yard. I decided to feed him my only snack in the car, walnuts!  Who knew those like guys liked walnuts.  He nearly licked his chops and begged for more.  

I'm not sure what made me think of this but I googled the meaning of bunnies.  I nearly had tears in my eyes.

"Traditionally, rabbits are associated with fertility, sentiment, desire, and procreation.  All of us know the power of population the rabbit has - they are legendary for their ability to reproduce fast and furiously. For that same reason, the rabbit is a perfect symbol. The rabbit is also a symbol of Ostara an ancient fertility goddess whose symbols are rabbits, various flowers and eggs (more life/growth/fertility themes!)".

Perhaps the rabbit has always been my good luck charm and I didn't know it.  When I found out I was pregnant with baby Collin my first baby purchase was a cute Bunnies By The Bay bunny blanket. It has always held a special place in my heart.  Maybe a stretch of hope but perhaps he's watching over us so that he can one day see a little brother or sister.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I think the bunnies are bringing us good luck!  I had my ultrasound yesterday and had 16 follicles!  In nearly 2 days I went from 2 follicles  to 16.  I have my next appointment tomorrow to see where things stand.

Sunshine and Solitude

Well I am on day 6 of in vitro and not feeling too confident in this cycle.  Although it's hard to tell from my first doctors appointment where things will turn out, I was a little disappointed in my ultrasound results.  It only showed two dominant folicles.

  In layman's terms there were only two big areas or holes in my ovaries that could potentially house a growing egg.  I still have another 5+ days to go but the more folicles that there are the better the chances are for more eggs.  

So I spent the morning having coffee with Matt and getting a little pep talk by my amazing husband.  It's hard to ride the emotional roller coaster of in vitro but I wouldn't want to ride it with anyone else !  He continues to keep my head up when I just want to fall down.  Today's inspiration of the day...

So I am not going to give up!  I treated myself to a "Jenny Day" and spent the day chatting on the phone, basking in the sun, reading magazines, and enjoying my beautiful backyard flowers and serenity.  In such stressful times all I can do is try to act as calm as I can!  So tonight I continue with my in vitro shots ( I am up to three per night) and hope and pray that my doctors appointment tomorrow show us a little more promise in numbers!

Here's a bouquet of flowers I picked for myself from the front yard!  Not too bad for a city girl!

Spirit Women

I suppose in desperation you will turn and do anything to get pregnant when battling infertility.  So when my mom and I found the "Spirit Women" we thought well it can't hurt.  

So just like the old wives tales I placed my hope, dream, and desire to one day bare children in the spirit women's secret pocket!  Hopefully she will, with a little help from the big man above, make things brighter some day. 

Not only have I turned to the spirit women for help bt have turned to a growing list of mental checks that make me think... One day this is going to work! 

So in order to successfully bring these babies to life I have done the following... Started eating an organic diet, prayed to god that I am going to have these children, prayed to Grandma Skiba that her luck of having 16 children would be brought to me, placed my secret in the spirit women's pocket, stopped drinking alcohol, and oh so many other things.  

If anything all of these at least keep my mind occupied and make me feel like I am kind of trying to help myself.  More than anything it makes me laugh of how nutty this makes me but hey we are all weird in our own ways. So on a positive note and just like Grandma Joycene told me this weekend... It's not a matter of if it's a matter of when and we just have to be patient!! 

What a Steal of a Deal!

Well I ordered my ivf round #3 medications this week and found myself very happy when I savd a little money by using some leftover medication I had from round #1 and #2.  

You have to celebrate the small triumphs through the ivf journey and saving money is one of them.  Ivf medications are not cheap!  Thankfully I was able to use 5 individual medications I had leftover because I was told I had reached my MAXIMUM limit that the insurance would cover.

A little scary when you hear the words " your maximum has been reached!"  But thankfully our insurance covered most of round 1,2, and 3 except for some copays.

I also was pleasantly surprised that I had a credit to apply to my genetic testing balance and saved myself another $500.00!!!  Unfortunately the special genetic testing we need, called PGD, is all out of pocket but totally worth it to one day bring home baby Medema!!

So once again the Medema At Home Pharmacy is growing!!!

Shots start on Saturday!!  Matt and I will be traveling to the good ole mitten for a long weekend.  Matt is having a guys golf weekend and is going to be away from me and will not be able to administer the shits.  So I have to depend on someone else to give me the shots.  

I asked my dad.  His response... Would you like them in the molar or bicuspid?  A little family humor... My dad is a retired orthodontist. So hopefully he remembers how to give a shot from years ago in dental school! 

Memorial Weekend!

Matt and I had a pretty uneventful Memorial Weekend.  We spent lots of time outside enjoying the sunshine and our backyard!  Here are some pictures from our Memorial Day BBQ! 

 Rather than the traditional hamburgers and hot dogs we decided to do pizza on the grill!  Turned out super yummy!  

We started to make another pizza but had to stop due to some horrible rain and thunder!  Thank god Matt shut the grill off because soon after the rain and wind knocked our grill right over!  A few broken knobs and a very angry husband later thank god we did not have the grill on or else we would have had a nasty grill fire!  Happy Memorial Weekend Everyone!  I hope it was spent with family, friends, and a little BBQ.

Inconclusive Results

Well we just encountered one more bump along our in vitro route.  Pretty typical.  Of course nothing can be easy in an already stressful and emotional journey.  Today we found out how many normal embryos we had out of the 5 total embryos.  3 abnormal and 2 inconclusive.  

Inconclusive you say... You mean you don't know if it's normal or abnormal.  That wasn't part of the plan.  That wasn't ever given to us as a feasible option.  So now what.... 

We were given three choices....

Option #1 Continue with medication to prep my body for implantation.  When my body is ready for implantation they can thaw the embryo and biopsy the embryo again and within 24 hours we would either have an embryo that was normal or abnormal ( if normal be able to implant). 

Option # 2 thaw the embryo biopsy again freeze the embryo and wait 10-14 days for results.  I would still continue with implantation medications but if the embryo was abnormal and no good I would only have to take 1 week of medicine vs 3 weeks.  If normal continue my medications an implant the end of June. 

Option # 3 do another round of in vitro and batch the testing with the two "inconclusive" embryos to improve our chances.  

Sooo we have decided to go with option # 3!  In vitro # 3 will start May 31st.  Hopefully we will continue to have more embryos and the two inconclusive results prove to be normal.

Matt and I were disappointed ( again ) but again these are the cards we have been dealt and have quickly learned that this is completely out of our control.  

Today we spent the day together!  Did a little retail therapy, hung out with our new neighbors, and indulged in some wine and ice cream. 

Domestic Duties!

I have decided to work part-time while going through in vitro and trying to get pregnant again. Working full time with a long commute into the city and having lots of doctors appointments was just too stressful!  

So now I have lots of free time to do all of my house chores, shop, nap, catch up with friends and family, and just waste time ( man am I good at that). 

Matt has been working hard and has been traveling a lot this week to Minneapolis and Indiana.  I decided I would be a good wife and attempt to cut our lawn!  It was way over grown !! Here is a before and after.

A little hard to tell but it was super long!!

A nice fresh looking lawn.  Looks pretty good for a girl who has never used a push mower before!  

Waiting...

Well we got the final count of how many embryos had made it to the final 5th and 6th days of growing.  5 total embryos.  I was a little disappointed with 5 since we had 6 last time but after reaching out to my doctor he confirmed we are right where he would expect us to be... Not more not less.  

So now we wait two more weeks to get the results of the genetic testing back.  Will there or will there not be any " normal embryos" to implant? 

It only takes one to make a baby so let's hope at least one ( hopefully more) will be good. I selfishly am hoping there are two in order to increase our chances but at this point I would take one.  

So in the mean time I have started another round of birth control to suppress those lovely little eggs from ovulating and will start more shots in a few weeks if and when we have an embryo.  If none, then we get to start another round of in vitro.  

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend celebrating Mother's Day!  Although it doesn't feel like it I suppose I fall into the category of a mom, just one to an angel baby.  My sister sent me a beautiful story about "the world's best mom." She too had was an angel baby like me and no living children.  I definitely could relate!  When you want a child you really will do anything to get there... And when you have a child you will do anything for them.  

Here is the story she sent me.  Better get a tissue before you read it!

http://mattwessel.wordpress.com/2014/04/19/worlds-best-mom/

And the grand total is 14

Wednesday felt like it couldn't come fast enough.  After I tossed and turned all night long the alarm finally went off at 4:55 am!  It's funny how when you are hoping and wishing for a good thing to happen your mind wanders and thinks the worst. 

All night long I could only think the "what ifs". What if we don't have any eggs, what if my body expelled all of them, what if they aren't mature, what if they don't fertilize.  Silly brain... I just have to remind myself to trust god and trust my doctor!  

The egg retrieval went well. 17 total eggs retrieved.  It's amazing how less than a year ago I was sitting in the same surgical suite waiting for the doctor to take my eggs.  Sometimes it feels like I am reliving a bad dream but wake to find myself still hoping and praying that putting my body and relationship through all of this will be worth it in the end.

 I  found comfort in being greeted by the same two friendly nurses Barbie and Kris.    The same anestesiologist started my iv and I was wheeled back for a quick medicine induced nap!  Right before I was put to sleep the anesthesiologist said " ok Jennifer here we go this time we are going to go all the way no half way". 

What encouraging words!  He's right.  All the way, no 21 week baby this time. So hopefully we will have a few embryos to implant. 

 I woke up this morning with great news!  Out of the 17 eggs, 14 had fertilized.  This is 4 more than we had last time. 4 more chances to maybe have a normal embryo or two.  It's an emotional roller coaster and the number 14 brought a few happy tears to my eyes.  

So now we have the fun part, waiting.... Matt knows how patient I am so all in all I think this is the hardest part. 5-6 days to see how many grow and another 14 days to get the genetic test results back.  So keep praying, hoping, and wishing with us.  We want babies as much ( and more) than all of you want for us!  

Here are few pictures....

2 Ovaries and a whole lot of eggs!

9 days of stimulation and we are ready to roll.  Things are moving right along.  Today I finally got the go ahead to do my trigger shot injection!  So Wednesday is the day that they will take my eggs.

 Here is how many pokes it took to get to today...  9 days of injections = a total of 30 shots/ blood draws to get all of my eggs ready for retrieval!  That is a whole lot of poking but Matt has done a great job and after each night of shots has created a little "spa" night with hand/ foot massages.  There has to be some kind of perk to your husband poking you every night right?  

And if you were wondering what all of this medicine does to your body 

Nope not pregnant just have a lot of bloating.  This happened the first time as well.  Sexy... 

I will keep you posted on how many eggs we get on Wednesday!  Here's to hoping and praying we have a lot since majority of the eggs will be no good do to my balanced translocation. 

Medication Galore!!

Well if you ever wondered what in vitro medication looks like here it is!  Shots and shots galore!  

Thank heavens Matt has been surrounded by nurses his whole life and is not intimidated to inject me with needles.  Although I poke people everyday I just can't quite get the nerves to poke myself daily in the stomach. 

 So on the menu for the next week or two... Follistim, ganerelix, low dose hcg, Lupron, baby aspirin, and a short course of doxycycline antibiotics!  

And so it begins...

Aunt Flow stopped by for her monthly visit so today marks the official beginning of ivf round # 2.  Birth control pills to start with then onto shots starting April 19th!!! 

It's bittersweet to begin the process so close to my previous due date ( April 1st) but we are excited to get things started again.  

3 Beautiful Angels

Sometimes life isn't quite as we expect it to be.  Sometimes life is fair and other times it is not.  Not that life hasn't been fair it just hasn't been easy.  Matt and I have been blessed with 3 beautiful angels. Through our faith, amazing family, and beautiful friends we remain hopeful that one day the Medema Family will expand with one of life's little miracles.

Many say that God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.  Through two miscarriages and a stillbirth god has shown me how strong Matt and I really are.  I thought blogging would be a  nice way to one day be able to look back and see how far we have come on this journey.  So stay tuned and enjoy the road less traveled as Matt and I embark on our second journey of in vitro fertilization.