Always something... another bump in the road

Our donor had an appointment on Thursday and had her last appointment in her home state.  She got the all clear and flew into Chicago late last night.  I got a call from our nurse this morning that when she unpacked her suitcase last night she was missing a medicine.  Panicked and rightfully so she called the agency and Dr. Miller's office.  Unfortunately it was too late to get her the medicine so she doubled up on another and then was able to get back on track this morning after she went into Dr. Millers.  

Per the nurse it shouldn't affect the stimulation other than add a couple of days to her total time.  I was super dissappointed to hear this.  But in my heart I knew it was just going too smoothly.  So here we are, hopefully a small hiccup, but hopefully not detrimental to the actual final end result, Matt and I getting to implant! 

Please pray that this hiccup hasn't affected her too much and also pray for guidance as she finishes up the last week here in Naperville.  These last few days really matter so I'm anxiously waiting to hear that everything is continue to go and we can proceed with the egg retrieval.

I feel like my stomach is in my throat but after talking with the agency it sounds hopeful that in the end everything will work out. Always an adventure in our world.  We are just here for the ride.  And as much as I prefer the carousel ride or a nice leisure bike ride we are on one hell of a ride.  Hang on guys I can't  feel the end yet but we are getting closer

Spring Chicken

Our baby momma had her first follow-up appointment today.  This girl is one young fertile spring chicken!  She had 46 follicles.  18 on one side and 28 on the other.  I always thought I had a lot of follicles but in comparison I see now how age can really make a big difference... Although I am only about 7 years older than she is, it definitely is showing me that I'm getting older.  For those of you who don't know what a follicle is, it's essentially a "home" for each egg in the ovaries.  Now it doesn't always mean that is how many eggs the doctor will retrieve but there is a good chance we will hopefully have a lot to choose from.

Now we just have to pray that Dr. Miller can control everything and make the eggs mature enough to create mature embryos with Matt's little swimmers!  I'm still taking my medicine and we will hear back more on Thursday.  Keep praying for us, for her, and that gods hands are in Dr. Miller as well.

Moving right along!

You guys this might actually be happening.  Wednesday night I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and oh yes oh yes my prayers were answered again I got my second period!  Yippee.  I was so excited that I woke Matt up in the middle of the night.  I don't think he really enjoyed being woken up at 3 am to know but I was excited.  

So today I had my first ultrasound and blood work to check my hormone levels and endometrial lining.  Things look good so I am starting my medicine.  Our donor also got her period this week and had her blood work today so she will start her medicine on Saturday as well.  So we will be synced up and ready to go by tomorrow.  

I can't believe it, after waiting almost 8 months we are finally ready to go.  The pessimist in me is just waiting for something bad to happen but I'm hoping everything from here on out is smooth sailing.  Matt and I could use a miracle or two little miracles in our life. Keep praying for us you guys!!  Things might actually be working this time.  Positive things can happen right?  

 

                         

Pharmacies wasting my time

Part of the reason why I no longer work full time is because on any given day I can spend hours getting things ready or squared away for the in vitro process.  I'll admit I am good at wasting time and don't always need the extra time, but today I did.

Today I was thankful for the extra time. I literally spent 2.5 hours in the phone only for the pharmacy to FINALLY tell me.... Oh your doctor needs to do a prior authorization for your prescription!  

Let me paint a pretty picture for you.   The nurse sent all of my prescriptions to a mail order fertility pharmacy, Freedom pharmacy.  They were able to fill my injectable medication but not my oral medication.  Per Freedom pharmacy they would need to have it sent to a local pharmacy so that it would be covered by my insurance.  Ok... A few days later.....

I go to Meijer to pick-up my scripts.  Count them out and I am missing 1 of them.  I tell the pharmacists, she tells me " oh we will need to get it ready for you, give me 10 minutes."  So I wander around Meijer pick-up my groceries and then head to the pharmacy counter.  She looks at me and tells me they don't have it.  So I explain to them that it was sent over by another pharmacy.  

Yesterday I got a call from Meijer notifying me that per Freedom pharmacy ( the mail order pharmacy) they had shipped my medication and it was delivered to me on October 15th.  So that wasn't right so I get on the phone and start calling.  Which stArts my 2.5 hour ordeal of back and fourth between 3 pharmacies, blue cross blue shield, and myself.  I was on a four way call at one point with the pharmacist from Meijer yelling at the fertility pharmacy that it was there fault at one point... Hello can we say awkward!!  Needless to say it was a huge waste of everyone's time and I still don't have the script!  Out of pocket it was going to cost around $500, so I definitely wanted to get to the bottom of everything for the usual $20.00 copy!   

These are some of the extra hurdles you have to cross when dealing with any type of medical problem.  It just gets annoying and is such a waste of time!!  

Ok thanks for listening!  I just had to vent 

Round 5

     

 And lots of time it has been.  We passed the 3 year mark last week.  I actually didn't "celebrate it" but it did bring a twinge of pain to think... wow 3 years and all we have is a whole lot of heartache, lots of stories, and more strength and courage than I ever thought possible.

I started my pill lack of birth control last week and today was my last day! Yippee I successfully made it. 21 pills in 3 days and I didn't even puke.  This must be a good sign right?  On Saturday I started my shots, lupron shots every morning.  Now I sit and wait again for my next period... So might I request a quick little prayer again for good ole Aunt Flo to arrive at the very latest Saturday.  According to the nurse 3-5 days from tonight she'll be here!  

I'm guessing that the way my stomach feels and looks,  it should be coming soon.  

I've been thinking a lot about what if this actually works... And I cannot help but smile and cry at the same time.  The feelings are so raw and I'm more sad and scared then ready and excited.  It's my one protection to guard myself and not get too excited just in case I'm let down.  It's the pessimist in me but after 5 losses this is what I do.  I little ray of hope in my heart thinks that this is it though.  Keep praying you guys!!  You'll know the power of prayer is an amazing thing and the power of prayer we need to create and bring these little miracle babies home.  In T-minus 1 month Matt and I are hoping to hear happy news instead of heartache!!!!

Welcome to Holland Aunt Flo

Well Aunt Flo finally arrived.  Thanks for all of your prayers if you prayed for her!  It worked. On to my next step today or tomorrow.... Pack me full of birth control hormones!!!

I'm sure you are all wondering why I titled this blog post "welcome to Holland."  Well I'm currently on my way to work sitting on the train killing some time and I came across a beautiful poem.  It spoke to how I feel my life is now and my "road less traveled" and I'm sure for some of you reading this it will speak to you.

 

                                                            WELCOME TO HOLLAND

By Emily Perl Kingsley. c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

 

Praying for that Dang Period

Ok ladies we all know how periods work... They come when you least expect it or don't want it... and never seem to come when you are hoping it arrives.  So I need your help.  Please pray for good ole' Aunt Flo to arrive this weekend or early next week so Matt and I can get this baby making party started!!

Well I wouldn't say I am that excited but I did hear some great news.  As long as my period comes this weekend or early next week (no pressure right?)  I should be all set to start in vitro via donor egg starting the end of October.  GULP!! So soon right?  That's kind of what I thought when the nurse told me the good news. I was expecting the end of November at the rate things were going.

Our donor had travel plans for Thanksgiving so we are trying our best to avoid having her stimulated into the holidays or else we might get pushed back until January, and I really don't want that to happen.  So once my period comes I am going to be pumped full of hormones (3 birth control pills per day) to alter everything so she can start her stimulation meds and I can start my meds and we can align everything up.

  For anyone who doesn't know it, 3 birth control pills per day verses 1 sounds like death to me but at this point I desperately will do anything to start the process.  My body does not seem to handle birth control very well so this shall be interesting... it could be just fine.  The pessimist in me says i'm going to be nauseous as hell!  I once passed out in college from puking so hard from birth control pills.  Check that one off the list of embarrassing moments.

So we are moving along the journey once again. We paid our final check to the agency.   Our baby mama will be coming to Chicago soon to meet with Dr. Miller and finalize all of the plans.  We are in the final negotiation with our lawyers to sign off on all of the custody paperwork, and I am just sitting here waiting for my period.  Until then it all rides on whether or not it actually comes.  So seriously, whoever you are out there, and whatever you believe in, please pray so hard that it comes and that stress doesn't get the best of me and screw everything up !!!

                                    

   


                         
.

Flashback reminder from Facebook

Today as I opened my facebook I was greeted with a picture and a caption that nearly took my breath away.  2 years ago today Matt and I shared with our families that we were going to be parents to a beautiful baby boy. Of course I got a little teary eyed ( who wouldn't) but it also brought a smile and a warm place in my heart that even though his life was short we still celebrated in the short amount of time we had.  
   

         

It really is amazing how fast this whole process has been because that day seems like just yesterday.  Although most of the time I would say it doesn't really feel like time is moving all to fast during this process.  It is when I am reminded of certain days both good and bad of what has happened I realize how fast this journey really is in the scheme of everything.  

I'm hoping to have an update soon regarding the next step of our journey.  The baby mama got her period last week and had her blood tests drawn on Friday.  Stay tuned.....