And that’s a wrap

I finished my birth control last week so I can check that one off the to do list.  I started my lupron shots on the 23 and my oh my how quickly this is all coming back to me.  It’s crazy what fake hormones do to me.  I feel much more tired, irritable, and emotional.  Matt glanced over at me during the Stateof the Union speech last night and I was crying.  He just rolled his eyes, snapped a picture, and laughed.  Albeit they were clapping for a family that had lost his son (hello yes it was sad) but most people don’t cry during the state of the union speech.  My stomach also feels bloated like 10 pounds heavier bloated. Not to mention the good ole bruising on my tummy is back !

Just waiting for lovely Aunt Flo to start the next step of my medication.  Stay tuned

And so it begins

I started my shots today but thankfully just one shot per day in the morning.  As Matt was about to give it to me this morning (yes I’m still too chicken to do it myself ) he goes “oh boy does this ever bring back memories.”  

And oh so true.  I’ll be finishing up my pack of birth control and continuing on the lupron until I get my next period.  Then I’ll start more medicine but it’s all like riding a bike because I’ve taken it all before.

The one thing I didn’t miss on my “hiatus” of making and growing our family was Ivf medical bills.  People always told us “watch out kids are expensive!”  I will agree to that but for us making kids is the expensive part... not actually  when they are born.  Matt and I laughed and said the best bonus and raise in our paycheck came AFTER we had the twins.  

So for now I’ll just cringe and pay them and shake my head that it costs so much money.  But I wouldn’t trade it for the world, my girls are my everything! 

Slow winter days

It’s here... snowy, cold, and lonely January.  The days are long.  It feels too cold to go outside for more than 15 minutes, Matt is slaving away working long hours during his winter tax season, and here I am one crazy momma of twins just trying to keep sane.  

Today I decided to give the girls a bath in the morning as our “activity” and let them play with their daddy’s shaving cream. As for a yay or nay I’d say it was a yay!  

I keep looking to Pinterest for more ideas.  I’ll give them credit for this one except they added food coloring to make it “pretty” ... maybe next time.  

Making a baby you say... how annoying.

I remember dreaming about having a family.  It was exciting.  Thrilling.  Terrifying.  Never did I think it would be annoying.  It’s funny to think just how hard logistically it is for Matt and I to have a baby.  

The other day I texted him at work with this “how does February 26 sound for making a baby.”  Most couples would say heck yes let’s make a baby... sex and more sex yippee.  Then there is us.  What medication, what day, when is the next appointment, who is going to watch the girls, etc.  

It is a little different for me this time around.  I feel just as anxious and nervous as I did before but now I’ve got two teeny tiny bodies to try and juggle and figure how to accommodate them without having family by my side.   

It’s amazing how fast all of my fears have come back with starting this process again.  I’d say it’s a little ptsd (ok not really but some times it feels like it) and facing the reality of trying for another child is just straight scary.  My biggest fear is getting half way through a pregnancy again and losing the baby.  So help me god if that were to ever happen again but it’s my reality and biggest fear.  Just like last time I’ll take it one step at a time.  

Matt and I both feel excited and scared to once again hop on the infertility train and join the bandwagon of “making a baby.”  We just hope it doesn’t take as long as it did last time.  For now I’ll just enjoy life as it is with the girls .  They bring so much joy to my life that truthfully if we never had another my heart would be ok with that.  

And then there were three...

Matt and I have decided it is time to expand our family.  While it hasn’t been the easiest decision, do we try natural again or do we go straight to Ivf, we have decided to go through Ivf again.  We have 7 embryos left and hope that ONE little lucky frosty will be the next baby girl or boy added to the family.

So now what... I’ve met with my doctor and have had my initial blood work to determine everything is good to go.  I’ve started birth control pills and f everything goes as planned will implant some time in late February.  

So life is crazy right now and only going to get crazier.  I think Matt and I thrive a little off of chaos.  3 under 3 ... oh my.  

Exciting!  Scary!  Crazy!  Yes!  We can’t wait!