13 weeks

Well I finally am closing in on the last week of my first trimester.  I don’t really look pregnant ... I just have a nice food baby by the end of the night and my clothes are a tad bit snug.  This pregnancy feels so different than with the girls.  I am so busy with them I haven’t really been able to focus on “being pregnant.”  Something so different because all I did with my twin pregnancy was think about it day after day and count how many days I was pregnant and how many I had to go.

So symptoms... I wasn’t as nearly as sick but I still am fighting nausea that comes and goes and throw up every now and then if I don’t eat. The fatigue was probably the most terrible thing .... far worse this round than with the girls.  I think I am already tired from the girls (you should try to keep up with hear two... it takes a lot of energy) and Emma hadn’t been sleeping well.  So lack of sleep, chasing toddlers, and first trimester fatigue got the best of me.  

Cravings.  These have been he most hilarious cravings ever.  Salad... I just cannot get enough salad these days.  Ranch ... I’ve gone back to my elementary school days where I want ranch every day.  Alcohol oh man I feel like it takes every bit of energy for me to not dump a little wine In my glass and chug a lug.  Chinese egg rolls, sweet and sour chicken, you name it I’ve craved it.  I didn’t feel like I craved much with my other pregnancies but have with this one.

The baby... he or she is growing nicely.  I had my first OB appointment with my high risk OB in the city.  I’ve decided to just keep the same OB rather than transfer my care.  Baby was measuring about 1 week ahead with a nice strong heartbeat of 167.  Boy or girl we will find out.  The girls keep telling me baby “brudder” and Matt and I think boy but only time will tell.  The old wives tales tell me a girl by the high heart beat ... it really could go either way.  Any way the baby is healthy, growing, and doing great.  I go back in just under 2 weeks for 15 week appointment. This was my “12 week baby bump picture”. We had a cinco De Mayo party and it too was hard to say no to the margaritas.  Dang pregnancy cravings 

And so it begins

I’ve been waiting to update my blog because I wasn’t sure how things were going to go.  I implanted on February 26 and 10 days later had my first blood hcg (pregnancy blood ) test. And the results ... POSITIVE.  A few days later I had another blood hcg test and that too was POSITIVE.  

So once I saw two positive blood test results the reality of being pregnant with twins kind of set in. 3 under 3 could really be my reality.  Holy shit what were we thinking was my original thought.  Then I remembered I actually did want this to happen and it is a good thing.  

  I really thought since I’ve gone through all of this before that this round would be easier.  I initially felt calmer but day by day week by week I feel just as anxious as I did with the girls.  Pregnancy is such a treasured thing for most.  For me it’s a task.  A task I utterly despise and brings back so many awful memories I get sick just thinking about it.  

Today marks 8 weeks 2 days and so far things look good.  I have had three ultrasounds, all showing a teeny tiny heartbeat.  It makes it so much more real and raw when you hear the heartbeat.  

I “graduated” from my in vitro doctor and in a few weeks will be going to my high risk ob in the city.  For now I’m planning to deliver again in Chicago but I may choose to switch.  It’s a lot harder to manage my appointments now that I’ve got two toddlers to take care of and coordinate who is going to watch them.  

So for now I’m “still pregnant!”  Let’s hope it continues.  Thankfully I feel much better than I did woh the girls.  I’ve got some morning queasiness / Emory stomach queasiness but as long as my belly stays full I feel ok.  A little annoying for me to eat all of the time (since you know I’m a little weight / health conscious) but I’ll do what I need to do to keep my head from not hanging over the porcelain princess.  

Keep praying for us.  While I navigate this journey and have enough energy to take care of the girls.  

Family of 5? We are hoping!

The only thing that keeps me going while trying to build and complete our family is humor.  Some people find lingerie as their fitting garb while trying to make a baby.  Well me, I prefer the boofant and hospital gown!!  Here Matt and I are pre-implantation !

Yesterday Matt and I implanted ONE yep that is right just ONE little frosty baby.  It’s funny to think that the potential baby growing inside me (fingers crossed) was conceived almost 2 years ago.  Science and technology are just amazing and I feel so blessed to have such amazing opportunities to help us expand our family.

This time around has been different.  I barely had any time to think about the process because I’ve been chasing two little monkeys around every day.  I also had to plan out what I was going to do with the girls during the procedure and then after.  Thankfully my mother and father-in-law were gracious enough to take me up on the offer and have filled in.  My doctor requires a strict lounge / bed rest day following the transfer so I have had to depend on them to keep the girls fed, changed, occupied, and alive!  They seem to be doing just fine without mommy.  

So for now I’m just here waiting... and waiting... and waiting for 2 weeks to see if this little frosty baby is going to be a baby!  Time will tell.  Keep praying!  And also pray for one NOT two this time !! 

Moving right a long

I had another appointment today and all looked good.  They measure your endometrial lining (I’d call it the nice cushy pillow your little baby aka embryo is going to take a nice long winters nap in) and want it to be more than 9.  Mine looked good at 14!!  They also checked my hormone levels (progesterone and estrogen) and those looked good.  So tonight I get to start progesterone shots!  Yiippeee NOT.  These things hurt like hell and go right smack dab into your booty!  I’ll take them if it will get me another baby but dang hey hurt!

  I get to stop taking my morning lupron shot which I’m super happy about.  This shot affected me much differently than last time.  They gave me horrible muscle cramps.  I felt like every night I finished running a half marathon.  Except I didn’t run and I didn’t get the benefits of exercise... just pain. Oh wel.  I’m glad to be done with those and moving on.  

We are right on track and will be implementing February 26.  Gulp!  I can’t believe how fast this round went.  Funny how before when that was all I was focusing on it felt like an eternity.  This time around since I have barely had time to even think about it as the days get near I’m getting more and more nervous about feeling ready for another baby.  But I am... well I think I am... ready.  Hopefully god has great plans for Matt and I.  We are hoping this round works and w can welcome a new baby brother or sister Home hopefully late October / early November !! Time will tell!  Keep praying for us... life is hopefully about to get a lot crazier than it already is. 

And that’s a wrap

I finished my birth control last week so I can check that one off the to do list.  I started my lupron shots on the 23 and my oh my how quickly this is all coming back to me.  It’s crazy what fake hormones do to me.  I feel much more tired, irritable, and emotional.  Matt glanced over at me during the Stateof the Union speech last night and I was crying.  He just rolled his eyes, snapped a picture, and laughed.  Albeit they were clapping for a family that had lost his son (hello yes it was sad) but most people don’t cry during the state of the union speech.  My stomach also feels bloated like 10 pounds heavier bloated. Not to mention the good ole bruising on my tummy is back !

Just waiting for lovely Aunt Flo to start the next step of my medication.  Stay tuned

And so it begins

I started my shots today but thankfully just one shot per day in the morning.  As Matt was about to give it to me this morning (yes I’m still too chicken to do it myself ) he goes “oh boy does this ever bring back memories.”  

And oh so true.  I’ll be finishing up my pack of birth control and continuing on the lupron until I get my next period.  Then I’ll start more medicine but it’s all like riding a bike because I’ve taken it all before.

The one thing I didn’t miss on my “hiatus” of making and growing our family was Ivf medical bills.  People always told us “watch out kids are expensive!”  I will agree to that but for us making kids is the expensive part... not actually  when they are born.  Matt and I laughed and said the best bonus and raise in our paycheck came AFTER we had the twins.  

So for now I’ll just cringe and pay them and shake my head that it costs so much money.  But I wouldn’t trade it for the world, my girls are my everything! 

Slow winter days

It’s here... snowy, cold, and lonely January.  The days are long.  It feels too cold to go outside for more than 15 minutes, Matt is slaving away working long hours during his winter tax season, and here I am one crazy momma of twins just trying to keep sane.  

Today I decided to give the girls a bath in the morning as our “activity” and let them play with their daddy’s shaving cream. As for a yay or nay I’d say it was a yay!  

I keep looking to Pinterest for more ideas.  I’ll give them credit for this one except they added food coloring to make it “pretty” ... maybe next time.  

Making a baby you say... how annoying.

I remember dreaming about having a family.  It was exciting.  Thrilling.  Terrifying.  Never did I think it would be annoying.  It’s funny to think just how hard logistically it is for Matt and I to have a baby.  

The other day I texted him at work with this “how does February 26 sound for making a baby.”  Most couples would say heck yes let’s make a baby... sex and more sex yippee.  Then there is us.  What medication, what day, when is the next appointment, who is going to watch the girls, etc.  

It is a little different for me this time around.  I feel just as anxious and nervous as I did before but now I’ve got two teeny tiny bodies to try and juggle and figure how to accommodate them without having family by my side.   

It’s amazing how fast all of my fears have come back with starting this process again.  I’d say it’s a little ptsd (ok not really but some times it feels like it) and facing the reality of trying for another child is just straight scary.  My biggest fear is getting half way through a pregnancy again and losing the baby.  So help me god if that were to ever happen again but it’s my reality and biggest fear.  Just like last time I’ll take it one step at a time.  

Matt and I both feel excited and scared to once again hop on the infertility train and join the bandwagon of “making a baby.”  We just hope it doesn’t take as long as it did last time.  For now I’ll just enjoy life as it is with the girls .  They bring so much joy to my life that truthfully if we never had another my heart would be ok with that.  

And then there were three...

Matt and I have decided it is time to expand our family.  While it hasn’t been the easiest decision, do we try natural again or do we go straight to Ivf, we have decided to go through Ivf again.  We have 7 embryos left and hope that ONE little lucky frosty will be the next baby girl or boy added to the family.

So now what... I’ve met with my doctor and have had my initial blood work to determine everything is good to go.  I’ve started birth control pills and f everything goes as planned will implant some time in late February.  

So life is crazy right now and only going to get crazier.  I think Matt and I thrive a little off of chaos.  3 under 3 ... oh my.  

Exciting!  Scary!  Crazy!  Yes!  We can’t wait!