How to Tell Your coworkers You're Pregnant with TWINS!!

Well I finally "officially" broke the news to my coworkers that I had a big surprise!!  I've been holding out as long as I could because I am terrified of something going wrong but my scrubs are getting a little smaller each week so I chose 14 weeks as a hopefully "safe" time to share my news.  

I am typically a more quiet and humble person and don't like to be the center of attention in a big crowd but my amazing manager wanted share my news in a bigger manner.  So she made a cute banner, made two babies out of melons that were in a baby crib, had "double" mint gum, and cupcakes and cookies, to celebrate the big news.  I should have snapped more pictures but here is a picture of the banner... It's a little hard to read but it says twice the blessings, twice the fun, two little miracles, instead of one!  twins arriving July 2016.

The reactions from my coworkers were great!! I heard a lot of " oh my god TWINS!!!" And " how have we not known."  The best reaction was from a guy.... " I'm feeling weak in my knees about this crazy news I've got to sit down!"  So needless to say I feel a little relieved that everyone knows now but even more scared because now what if something happens, I have to explain it all over again.  

I knew my fear wouldn't go away but sometimes I feel like I'm so fearful that I can't embrace the exciting part of pregnancy.  I feel like I should feel over the moon but I am not quite there yet.  In my head as long as I can make it to 24 weeks each week after that will be a blessing and icing on the cake.  The psychologist that we met with before going through the donor process told me this is totally normal but she did remind me that at some point whenever I feel like it is safe to celebrate to embrace and enjoy my pregnancy or else I will regret it.  She's absolutely right, just not right now.  So hopefully in a few more months when I feel like it's actually going to happen for real I can embrace being fully pregnant with twins.  

13 Weeks

The babies are the size of a peach this week.  I had my first experience "announcing" that I was pregnant with a group of girls that I do dinner with monthly.  Some know about my in vitro story and some do not.  So when I told them it was twins, naturally I was asked "wow do they run in your family?"  I politely said no and briefly explained that they were in vitro babies without going into too much detail.  It's the first time I've been asked that but will not be the last.  I'm planning on telling my co-workers this week and cannot wait to see some of their reactions since they know how long and hard Matt and I have been working to have kids.  Here's a weekly bump pic... Not the greatest picture. I ran upstairs and lost my cookies right after! Yuck!!

 I've read some blogs that have fun weekly stats so I thought I would start doing the same...

How Far Along: 13 weeks 1 day

Cravings: navel oranges... Man are they good right now!

Total weight gained: 7.5 pounds... This is my challenge right now since my goal is to gain 20-30 pounds by the time I am 20 weeks!! 

Stretch Marks: no

Sleep: I feel like I can't get enough of it!  In bed by 9 up at 5 and on my days off I've been taking one or two 3 hour naps!

Nausea or Queasy: ugh yes and lots of it.  Today was a rough day.  Although it's easing up I still am having bad days of puking.  It makes me want to cry when I lose my snack or meal... Wasted calories

Wedding rings on or off: on

Signs of labor: no let's keep it that way for a long time

Gender: still unknown

Looking forward to: the next couple of weeks to hopefully feeling better and having many more days of less or no puking.  Sharing the news with those that don't know!

Belly Button in or out: in

Movement: sometimes I think I feel their tiny little bodies wiggling but think to myself, no it's too early.  I felt the same movement last time but more so around 16 weeks... It's like little tiny bubbles every now and then

12 Weeks and Growing!

I suppose it's a good thing when you graduate from one doctor to the next but it doesn't come without fear.  Every time I go to the doctor I'm fearful of bad news but once again we had a great report and I'm happy to say baby A and baby B are both still growing strong.  

I felt a little better walking out of Dr. Ismails office knowing that I don't really need to feel like I'm made out of glass... Yet I still kind of do.  He told me besides getting a little larger, having more aches and pains, and carrying a little extra fluid with the help of my TAC ( transabdominal cerclage) this should be like any "normal" pregnancy, or so he hopes. 

I was anticipating having to see him quite often but he reassured me that for now I can go every 4 weeks and get an ultrasound to make sure the twins are growing as they should be.  His first goal is to get me to 20 weeks and then reassess how they are doing!!  I'm quite terrified of the 20 week mark.  It literally makes me have very bad anxiety because again I'm just waiting/anticipating something bad will happen like last time.  Hopefully this time it will be different but I still can't fully embrace everything without admitting I'm totally scared out of my mind.  

Here's a picture of me at 12 weeks.  I barely look pregnant but by the end of the day I definitely feel my stomach since it gets so bloated.  

I'm still getting sick but for the most part it is letting up a little.... For now I usually only puke in the morning and sometimes at night.  Better then all day.  I have my next appointment in 4 weeks which will mark 16 weeks.  It's kind of crazy how fast it has been going.  I'm praying hard that things continue to go smoothly and we do not run into any speed bumps.  Today is my last day of estrogen pills YIPPEE and next week I get to slowly taper down my progesterone shots.  Only 29 more to go!! Anyways happy weekend ya'll I hope it's a great one!  Matt and I are heading out for a date night today before he gets too busy with busy season and I become a tax widow again.

MFM ultrasound

I had my first ultrasound at my MFM (maternal fetal medicine) a.k.a high risk ob office on Tuesday.  Matt came with me but anytime I ever have an appointment I just get so nervous.  I have a fear that one of these times they are going to tell me that there is no hearbeat but I am happy to report that as of Tuesday both Baby A and Baby B are growing strong.  

Baby A measured 10 weeks 5 days and had a heartbeat of 161.  That little thing was wiggling all over the ultrasound screen so for now I think it's a boy.  The little growth that was seen on my ultrasounds at Dr. Miller's office was not there so it has either disappeared or was just not seen.  Hopefully it is disappearing I have enough to worry about.  I keep praying for that anyways.

Baby B measured 10 weeks 4 days and had a heartbeat of 159.  It's normal for one twin to be a tiny bit smaller as long as it's not too big of a difference.   I'm feeling that this one is a girl because she was just floating rhythmically and much more calm.  It's fun to guess for the time being.

It was a little surreal to be sitting in an OB office and actually be pregnant this time.  I have had my fair share of visits to the OB since I lost Collin but they have all been for consults in preparation for "the next" pregnancy.  This time I was there and actually pregnant.  When we were leaving the room the ultrasound tech said goodbye to us and that we will be seeing a lot of them soon.  Which is so true.  I kind of looked at Matt and said this will be our new "home" for a while and I will be spending lots of hours in that office.  

So for now things look good.  I have my next appointment in Thursday with my actual doctor.  I hate to get too optimistic yet since it is still soo early but for now things are progressing as they should be for both Baby A and B.  Keep growing little ones!!  I feel like the world is cheering you on!!!  

Ultrasound 3 and 4

Sorry to leave you all hanging but we've had a few busy weeks with the holidays, trips back to Michigan, and lots of nausea and morning sickness.  Quite frankly between work, sleeping, and puking it's been a fast first couple of weeks of pregnancy.  I am now 10 weeks, which I can honestly say has gone super fast.

Some of you now know the news but the "vanishing twin" didn't vanish and in July we are expecting TWINS! Yep you read it, TWINS!!  We are over the moon yet scared out of our minds at the same time. Baby A was supposed to have vanished but during my 2nd ultrasound we actually were able to hear baby A's little heartbeat.  I have a little spot underneath baby A that is currently not affecting him or her but they monitored it and after our 3rd and 4th ultrasound deemed us stable enough to graduate to my maternal fetal medicine doctor.  

Baby A still has the spot in the sac but our doctor wasn't really quite sure what it is.  He told me not to worry, easier said than done but at this point everything else was going great and the twins were measuring right where they should be and their little hearbeats were both fluttering as they should.    

I have another ultrasound next week and an appointment the following.  I'm trying to educate myself as much as I can about Twin Pregnancies, but I am learning that while some things are the same are, there is quite a bit that is vastly different.  I'm reading "When you are expecting twins, triplets, or quads" and trying to follow their philosophy...Gain weight early rather than later. It's a book based off of evidence based research that has great outcomes with multiples and emphasizes the importance of gaining weight early because you'll be too big later on.   So my goal in the next 10 weeks is to gain about 15-20 pounds.  Gulp!  It's a bit of a challenge right now since I am still getting sick but the last week and a half my nausea seems to be dieing down a little (thank god!).  It's hard to gain weight when you puke 3-8 times a day.  

Here's a little picture of our ameoba's.  They were 8 weeks 3 days at this ultrasound.