I remember dreaming about having a family. It was exciting. Thrilling. Terrifying. Never did I think it would be annoying. It’s funny to think just how hard logistically it is for Matt and I to have a baby.
The other day I texted him at work with this “how does February 26 sound for making a baby.” Most couples would say heck yes let’s make a baby... sex and more sex yippee. Then there is us. What medication, what day, when is the next appointment, who is going to watch the girls, etc.
It is a little different for me this time around. I feel just as anxious and nervous as I did before but now I’ve got two teeny tiny bodies to try and juggle and figure how to accommodate them without having family by my side.
It’s amazing how fast all of my fears have come back with starting this process again. I’d say it’s a little ptsd (ok not really but some times it feels like it) and facing the reality of trying for another child is just straight scary. My biggest fear is getting half way through a pregnancy again and losing the baby. So help me god if that were to ever happen again but it’s my reality and biggest fear. Just like last time I’ll take it one step at a time.
Matt and I both feel excited and scared to once again hop on the infertility train and join the bandwagon of “making a baby.” We just hope it doesn’t take as long as it did last time. For now I’ll just enjoy life as it is with the girls . They bring so much joy to my life that truthfully if we never had another my heart would be ok with that.
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